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Vampire Trying to Cut Down On Her Screen Time

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Natalia Eievas Von Dering, a 930 year-old vampire and loyal Hot Topic customer, is starting to realize the rush of hearing her victim’s screams is fleeting and maybe even harmful for her mental health. After watching a documentary whose popularity spread faster than early vampiric plagues, Natalia has decided to cut down on her scream time.

“I watched the documentary the Vocal Dilemma and I was convinced I need to give myself more scream time limits,” she told one of her wailing victims moments before feeding, “Sometimes, I’ll come to the end of my night and realize I spent 5 hours listening to my victim’s cries – that’s more than half the work night!”

This revelation comes at an age when scream time is more widespread than ever. “I go out and feed, people scream. I go to a party, people scream. Even virtual learning has certainly increased the scream time since many cry out when I log on the classroom.” 

The increase in scream time has led to shorter attention spans and vampires having to pick louder and louder victims. “We are draining them of their blood, but they are draining us of our attention spans,” says Dr. Nosferatu from the Transylvania Center for Mindful Blood Sucking, “We are becoming prey to our prey and these young, thousand year-old kids don’t realize what it’s doing to them.”

Natalia is trying to change that. “From this day forward, I will spend less scream time, I will be more present, and I will use my time wisely.”

However, this lasted all of one day once Natalia stumbled upon a troupe of opera singers that could scream for days. She promised herself it would just be “five more victims,” but soon that turned into 10, then 20, and before she knew it, her scream time was worse than ever. 

“It’s not easy,” she said, “and I’m also not sure it’s worth it. Screams are my life.”

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How To Celebrate Boo Szn for Couples and Singles + Costume Ideas!

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Well it’s officially ‘Boo Szn’ now that Fall has begun. That means you can expect to see a whole lot of the color orange everywhere. We are mid-way through October so that means some people are going to pick an orange pumpkin and some are going to pick an orange president. Everyone is concentrating on different things. As this upcoming Boo Szn is in full throttle, some people are single, some people are in a relationship and some people are happy. But it doesn’t matter what your relationship status is, you can still enjoy this cringey time.

Singles

Let’s start off with single people first. It can be a little difficult being single during this time because it’s usually around this time of year when you find out that yet another friend from high school announces that they’re getting engaged, having a baby or both. Don’t be fooled. Correlation DOES imply causation. But you got to remember your life is still pretty good even without a soulmate. Being the ugly duckling of the group during this time has a lot of advantages. You don’t have to feel the pressure of finding a couples Halloween costume. You can be whatever you want, and you don’t have to worry about what your partner likes. In fact, not many people are celebrating Halloween this year anyway, so that leaves more options for you to look at when you’re doing your last-minute costume shopping at Spirit Halloween. It can be hard to think of a costume idea but because I like you so much, I’m going to help you out with some ideas:

  • Dress up as a second stimulus check and then don’t show up at anyone’s house.
  • Let a toddler draw on your face and be a mumble rapper.
  • Be a canceled comedian! So many different choices there! Or better yet, throw a canceled comedian costume party.
  • Be a zoom interviewee. Comb your hair really nice, wear a blazer, tie and tie clip. Forget the pants, put on your most comfortable underwear and a pair of socks that don’t match with a hole in one of them. 

If you are feeling bad about not having someone to hold, just remember that being single gives you more free time to work on yourself and I can just tell, you definitely need to work on yourself more. This is a great chance to go to the gym and get some abs in the works. Unless you’re one of those couples that works out together and posts their “dumbbell duo” videos on Instagram, most people in relationships lose their relationship with the gym. It’s just the truth. Yes, you’re single during Boo Szn but you’re going to be fine, trust me. Being single is definitely the way to go!

Couples

Now look if you’re all cuffed up and in love, that’s great too. Get under a warm blanket with your cutie patootie, light that cinnamon pumpkin muffin candle and put on Hocus Pocus. Halloween is going to be fun because you’re not stuck in your house dressing up as a second stimulus check to post as a joke on Twitter. If you don’t do anything for Halloween, you can still get together with your partner and dress up. But do something different. Everyone has done Joker and Harlee Quinn, you can’t do that, please don’t do that. It can be hard to think of a costume idea but because I like you so much, I’m going to help you out with some ideas:

  • The classic doctor-patient duo would be a great idea this year considering the circumstances. 
  • Donald Trump and Joe Biden. You only need one mask and one hair piece for this fun duo!
  • Dress as your favorite Tik Tok dancers! Have a dance party and write “FYP” on the front door.
  • Be workout partners, walk around with weights and call yourselves “The Dumbbell Duo”. That’s really cute.

This is the most romantic time of the year; this time extends all the way to February 14th so cozy up! Get engaged or have a baby! Who cares where your career is at right now, it’s Boo Szn your parents will understand. Make the most of it. Being in a relationship is definitely the way to go!

Whichever romantic or non-romantic situation your hormones put you in for this coming Boo Szn, you know how you can make the most of it. I hope this article helped you get your life together. Feel free to spread the word to your friends who may also be having the same concerns as you.  Now, I’m going to leaf you off with a corny joke and I’ll be on my way. Whether you’re looking for a scare or soulmate, I hope you find your boo.

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The Perfect Books to Read for Spooky Season

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The weather is chilly, the pumpkin spice is flowing, and your neighbor is putting skeletons in their yard that look way too real from a glance. It’s officially spooky season. With October already in full swing and Halloween just around the corner, the anticipation for the scariest time of year has never been higher. There’s plenty of different ways to get into the Halloween spirit nowadays, including but not limited to: watching Hocus Pocus reruns on TV all day, carving a jack-o-lantern of Nicolas Cage’s face, or chasing your cat around in a full pirate costume while you exclaim, “Where’s me buried treasure?” Okay, that last one might just be me, but nevertheless there are more than enough ways to get into the holiday spirit this October. For those that really want to immerse themselves in spooky season this year, but don’t necessarily want to go all out with the haunted houses and messy pumpkin carving, another great way to participate in the Halloween festivities is with a truly chilling book. There’s nothing better than reading something that truly frightens you to your core and really makes you consider whether or not your neighbors are putting real skeletons in their front yard. Here’s just a sampling of some of the best books to read that will do just that. 

Something Modern: It

If there’s one author of this generation that comes to mind when discussing spine-tingling literature, it would have to be Stephen King. King has built up a reputation of being one of the most recognizable names in writing of the last forty years, and it’s all due to his terrifying way with words. In his long career as an author, King has pumped out a truly exhausting amount of horror novels, however, none are more popular and identifiable than his 1986 novel It. The story of Pennywise and the Losers Club is one filled with childhood fears and gripping tension, and it’s sure to have any reader avoiding every sewer grate they come across for fear that a horrifying clown might be lurking within. Since it’s release, It has become a pillar of the horror genre. Not only is it the perfect book for Halloween, but it’s a book that simply everyone should read at least once. If you’ve never had the pleasure of reading a Stephen King novel, or you’re looking to get over your fear of clowns in the worst way possible, pick up It right here.

Something Classic: Frankenstein

For those looking for a spooky novel with a touch of classical style, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is the perfect book to start with. Published in 1818, Frankenstein is a book rife with history and influence that can still be felt in today’s world. With this novel, Mary Shelley essentially created the science-fiction genre and pioneered the modern monster story as we know it today. The story of Frankenstein details the exploits of a young Victor Frankenstein as he seeks to give life to a person of his own twisted creation. What unfolds is a story of grotesque monsters and everlasting dread that makes for the perfect novel to read on a stormy October night. Frankenstein also has the added benefit of being written in a style that is pretty easy to understand compared to other books from its time period, so it’s accessible to those that may be wary of reading novels that are over a hundred years old at this point. If you want to know where Frankenstein’s monster had its origins, or if you’re just looking for a good monster story, then pick up Frankenstein right here and get reading.

Something for the Kids: Goosebumps

But what if you’ve got younger family members that are also looking to get into the spooky season spirit with a good book? Never fear, because alongside Stephen King is another one of the most recognizable names in horror fiction, R.L. Stine. Stine is known for his immensely popular Goosebumps novels, a series of children’s horror fiction books that are meant to put a little bit of fright into younger audiences without the overly graphic imagery of more mature horror books. The Goosebumps series is one of the more iconic staples in horror fiction due to the overwhelming abundance of books that R.L. Stine wrote for it. This makes the series perfect for younger audiences because there are just so many options. Does a child in your life like Werewolves? Stine has plenty of stories on werewolves. Do they like vampires? Stine has more stories on vampires than you could shake a garlic necklace at. Do they like petrifying stories of sentient ventriloquist dummies that definitely still keep me up at night? If they do you might want to start sleeping with the bedroom door locked, but either way Stine has a whole mini series of books on exactly that. The Goosebumps novels are the perfect way to make sure that the children in your life aren’t left out in the spooky festivities. They’re also just a great way to get children into reading, and at the end of the day isn’t that what’s most important? Grab some Goosebumps books for the young ones in your life right here, and don’t feel bad if you give them a read and they put some fear into you as well. 

Something Short: Pretty much anything by Edgar Allan Poe

Sometimes life can get pretty hectic. Everyone has their own unique schedules that can pull them in a dozen different directions at once. This can make sitting down to read a good book pretty difficult for people that simply don’t have the time to get invested in a big novel, no matter how much they want to scratch that spooky itch around Halloween time. All is not lost, however, because there is one writer that is well-known not only for his bone-shaking stories but also for making those stories conveniently short and digestible. That particular writer would be Edgar Allan Poe. Poe’s writing is no stranger to the themes that surround Halloween and October as a whole; he is synonymous with dreary atmospheres and gothic imagery. Where Poe really shines is in his short stories, as he has crafted numerous different tales full of terror in a fraction of the time as most novels. The Masque of the Red Death, The Tell-Tale Heart, and The Pit and the Pendulum immediately come to mind, and there are even more terrifying tales where those came from. What’s more, these stories are often compiled in collections of some of Poe’s best writing, so readers that only have a few minutes of time on their hands each day can still enjoy a full story in one sitting while having more to read for the next day. You can grab a collection of some of Poe’s finest works right here and read a story a day as the perfect way to build up anticipation for when Halloween finally comes.

. . .

There you have it, some of the best books to read to get you ready for spooky season. Be sure to grab at least one of these books before Halloween comes so you can read them under the light of a full moon while eating bite size candy and sipping some delicious pumpkin spice coffee. I know that’s what I’ll be doing.

Disclaimer: This article contains affiliate links. If any purchases are made using the links within, the writer will make a small commission.

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The Pros of Reopening Schools

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Across the nation, schools have given students the option of returning to in person classes, and it’s opened up a whole new discussion. Most schools are offering hybrid classes, which means the bulk of the work will still be done remotely with the exception of the two days spent in socially distanced classes. There are a lot of factors to consider before making the decision.

Parents are apprehensive about their children returning to an environment in which it is likely to come in contact with someone exposed to COVID, however, their children are more than eager to return. It comes as no surprise that the effectiveness of the education students are receiving has been jeopardized due to factors such as toxic households, health issues caused by the sedentary lifestyle they’ve become accustomed to, and the lack of focus on studies during a global pandemic. Returning back to a building meant for education could motivate children as opposed to being home and remaining uninspired to pursue their education. Students have made very big sacrifices in an attempt to keep things as normal as possible when it comes to their education, but it’s been seven months of staying indoors nearly every day and it’s caught up with them. K-12 students are online for six hours every day without socializing with their peers, and students pursuing higher education are sitting through 4 eighty minute Zoom classes every day back to back. It’s bound to have an impact on them, so it’s completely understandable why they’d push to be back in school. As the CDC reports, children with disabilities and those coming from low income households are more likely to benefit from the opening of schools because they are with professional teachers who are trained to teach equally and to accommodate, and this can be hard to do over technology.

Many businesses have reopened and adults are going back to their regular jobs resulting in little to no time to aid their children in homework or other struggles that come with childhood and adolescence. Most parents rely on their kids to go to school for eight hours a day, not counting extracurricular activities, and many have scheduled their work around their kids. The return of students would lead to some sort of normalcy for households with working parents who can’t stick around all day to help their kids. Families that consist of single parents, two working parents, and low income households may not have the option to keep their children home for much longer, especially if their children are younger.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I’d like to argue that teachers are severely underpaid, and are even more so underappreciated as they scramble to accommodate classes of 25+ students online. Teachers’ efforts have been overlooked in terms of the job they do to make the best out of the situation to refrain from affecting children’s education even further. They have scrapped their previous methods of teaching and taught themselves to be just as effective online as they are in person, they have had to teach themselves new ways of connecting with students, and elderly teachers have had to become well versed with the ever so unreliable technology. Despite all the sacrifices teachers and professors have had to make, they have not seen a pay raise in the United States, aside from a handful of schools in local counties. The AP news website has a section dedicated to reporting news on teacher pay raises, and as you scroll through the articles, it’s clear that pay raises aren’t being made a matter of importance across the nation. Plans are dying or being postponed, and budgets are being cut despite the extra mile the teachers go to make online learning work. If students were to go back to their in person classes, it would help teachers relax a bit on the days they are at the school. They won’t have to worry about scheduling issues and extra help because they’ll be able to connect to students without a concern about technological issues. Since pay raises are not being taken seriously in this country, a positive to consider is teachers having less of a burden on them as they return to their natural environment.The CDC has set up guidelines for schools reopening on their website, offering the best information households need to consider their decision about sending children back to school, as well as measures institutions need to take in order to make the buildings safe and COVID free. These measures include frequent tests, wearing masks, disinfecting, social distancing and, if COVID has been found in schools, to begin contact tracing. There is a plan for everything set up by the CDC ranging from school bus protocols to serving lunches. Ultimately, it’s up to each family to decide for themselves about their stance on students and teachers returning to schools.

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